Creative Limitations #5

4 February 2025 

While discussing limitations today in class, I am not going to lie, but I had a lot of things on my mind. I had my first accounting quiz today at 12:30 and was a nervous wreck. Why do we even get nervous? Sometimes, I think I am not even nervous; I must be nervous because of everyone around me. Or if that wise person is nervous, then I should be nervous. Shut up, Olivia. You are too in your head. Why can't you be the wise person everyone else asks for help from? My whole life, I have thought I could do whatever I put my mind to; I have always loved that about myself. But sometimes, I sit back and ask myself why I let certain things control my existence on this earth. We are only here for a short period and are told to live every moment to the fullest, which, in my head, I know I am supposed to do, but I often find myself being too scared to fulfill that to the max. While in class today, I realized that everything I think of that I feel makes me weird or that I tell myself I am being dramatic about, everyone around me is also going through. People in the class were willing to share what they felt was limited in their lives, and I was so impressed by my classmates because I was the student scared to raise my hand. A few limitations that were said in class that I resonated with were having trouble accepting criticism or compliments, failure, anxiety, and independence. I think many of my limitations come from being an only child in the sense that I have had to rely on myself most of my life. I am deathly scared of asking for help. It terrifies me. I would instead do it myself and get it wrong, then ask for help. But why? Why is it so scary to me? It is almost as frightening as bugs. I have had to deal with my anxiety most of my life and never understood why I felt a certain way, always worried about every single thing, no matter how big or small. I got excellent at the fake it till you make it game in high school; everyone thought I was some chill, smart girl, and I was dying inside. I would cry myself to sleep every night, not even knowing what I was crying about. I had a roof over my head, two loving parents, and a huge family; why was I so upset? Oh, and let's not forget the eating disorder thrown in there. It was like a smoothie of awful things for those few years. I finally decided to take charge of my anxiety this past year. I started seeing a psychiatrist, and things have gotten a lot better. It was refreshing to hear that I felt with things and wasn't making them up. In a way, my anxiety has helped me realize that I need to start taking action to help myself—lastly, criticism and compliments are the perfect storm. You would think one would like a compliment or want someone to criticize them so they can be better. On the other hand, I used to immediately cry on command when either of these happened to me. I am not kidding; there were tears and flooding, and I couldn't even control it. I used to think a compliment meant someone was mocking or making fun of me, but when I was criticized, I would immediately quit. The lesson I learned from our discussion about limitations today was that we are never alone. No matter what we think, someone is going through something as well. JUST LIV, you have nothing to lose!!!!!

See you next time,

xoxo, liv